07.18.18 // She.
She didn’t want to talk about the weather, or the sandwich you ate for lunch. She didn’t want to know about how the bus took a little longer than usual to get here. She didn’t want to basics of your life, the formalities.
She wanted to know you, not the routines. She knew the mundane, now she wanted to know your life, why you do the things you do, your motivation; so she could find her own.
The mundane was the only way she knew how to live, at least for the last five years. Surface level living was her solace from actually living. The insecurities, the doubts, the fear. But as she spent more time in the mundane she started to get lost there. It was no longer about what she wanted to do but what she felt she needed to do to feel safe. Life was a strict routine based on calories consumed, rituals completed, and behaviour measured on a good or bad dichotomy. Any original thoughts, unique identifiers she had, slipped away with each box checked off.
So you see; she knew routines. She wanted, needed, to know life.
The mess you see in your life is the chaos she craves.
Teach me how to walk in the storm.
I want to dive in.