02.27.18 // To The Person I Don't Depend On
The second I called you is the second I finally let myself be vulnerable. I don’t know what it is about talking to your friends that makes you happier, sometimes it doesn’t work but with you it always does. You’re the person I can always go to, but not someone I need to depend on. We rant to each other about our problems, and we have a lot of shit, but we’re not dependent. There’s nothing you can do for me, and nothing I can do for you, you said - but we can just be there to listen.
I never wanted to reach out because I didn’t want to be annoying, I didn’t want to be weird. Everyone is in their own head though, they have their own shit to deal with, they aren’t going to think you asking for help is needy. Imagine if your friend asked you, you wouldn’t think anything of it.
The leaps we take bring us closer to the people we need to be with. There’s a reason that I ended up calling you and you picked up, I needed you tonight. And needing someone doesn’t make you weaker, it means you needed their company, you needed to talk to someone who would remind you that we all have problems and that there’s always going to be shit going on so the best we can do is be there for each other. I was vulnerable today. Maybe I’m not doing the best I can be, and that’s okay. You made me feel okay. You actually made me want to be better. And you reminded me that I can be better, that I’m the only one holding myself back - because if I held myself back from calling you I wouldn’t have been better. But I didn’t. You are proof that every time I challenge my doubt and let myself be vulnerable is when I can actually grow out of my insecurities.
I love you. I don’t need you, I don’t depend on you, and that only makes the love better. Because I love you not for what you give me but for who you are.
To all the people in my life that I don’t depend on, to the friends in my life that don’t depend on me - thank you.