09.12.17 // Who Are You Living For?

It’s not selfish to live for yourself.

What are you resisting? That is the place growth comes from. It’s uncomfortable, awkward, and habits are safe. But a life in routine is predictable, and only that, a routine. Routine's rarely made history. And it's not like I'm living to make history, maybe you are which is great, but for me, I want to be happy for me. But even if you are, you’ll never make a mark in everyone’s eyes, critics can and will come from anywhere. I’ve lived trying to meet others standards, even standards set by myself based off what I thought other people would want to see.

I’m not good at living for myself. I’m not being hard on myself, I don’t think a lot of people know what it means to live purely off their own wants, disregarding influences and potential critiques. But for me, I’ve always lived to meet others expectations (most perceived), my eating disorder, my anxieties, my OCD rituals, my friend’s needs. We’re so influenced by what we think we are supposed to do, and by what we think we should be doing based on the norm that’s presented to us (I should be going out, I should be graduated by now etc). Whenever I live based off what I think other people want me to do though, I end up living in this bubble. I feel limited in what I can do, I am not as outgoing, and I tend to have a more negative outlook on life.

I find when I’m following what I actually want to do though, I become happier. And because I’m happier, the people around me are happier. Of course, this doesn’t work for people when their passion is kicking walls and stealing candy from kids (you can tell how close I am to a life of crime). Doing what I want generally leads me to explore new things with an open mind, and doing that with an open mind, on top of not caring what people think about me, allow me to accept others as well. Clearly, I’m not perfect and if anyone is hit me up, but when you live for yourself you start to accept the notion that other people are too.

Those times when I have followed what I wanted to do, what I really wanted, are the ones I attract happiness and make good changes in my life. They are the ones that let me have the most fun and make me feel good. They are the ones that bring other people happiness.

People are just doing what they want to do with their life and what is wrong with that? If you don’t agree with someone’s life decisions, but it is not affecting you or the greater good around you, why is it something you need to judge them for? You wouldn’t want someone to judge you. When you end up judging people all it does for you is put you on this fabricated pedestal that says you are better than them; but when you are living for yourself and someone judges you, it really doesn’t matter because that is their own issue, not yours.

Yet I still struggle to make changes to my routine. Change is terrifying and I hate unpredictability. It’s a terrifying notion to me to release control and go into unknowns (OCD is a lowkey highkey terror in this situation). But I know this, that when you live how you actually want people see that you are genuinely happy. You can tell when someone is being fake, and even if they are really good at hiding it that is only hurting them. What’s a win win situation? When you follow your passions you are actually being unselfish, you are showing people that you are okay with what you are doing. I’m always insanely inspired by people that can embrace what they want to do, regardless of what people think. You attract the vibes you put out in the world, when you live for yourself you ironically begin to help more people by setting that example. And in the world of shoulds and expectations? It’s worth the grind of change.

Live for yourself; it’s uncomfortable and terrifying at first, but what do you have to lose.

 

- Kate xx

Personal BlogKate Farrell