08.02.2017 // When Your Mind Is A Bitch To Your Body; A How To Guide
We love to hate our bodies. This self-degrading, self-shaming attitude is something that seems to be ingrained in our culture from the minute we can say thigh gap.
So, in honour of Woman Crush Wednesday (arguably the best part of hump day), let me boost your ego for a hot minute. Yes, that same ego that gets bombarded every day by the elusive “societal norm” that tells you you’re not good enough. That same ego that is bashed by the nasty bitch low confidence side of your brain. The ego that may be on Mariana’s Trench level when it really should be popping a squat on Mt. Everest. Why? As some self-confident philosopher once said (and I may be paraphrasing), why the f*ck not?! We get put on this earth for a little bit of time in the grand scheme of things, and instead of thinking about your thighs and what you just ate why not spend that time doing something that doesn’t make you want to crawl in bed all day? But here’s the thing, I can’t boost your ego. I can yell about what a fly boss you are all day and praise the ground you walk on (and I will don’t worry), but that really doesn’t do anything unless you believe it. Here are things that I find helpful in those times I hate my body and am feeling down, and like everything, the more you do these things, the easier it will seem to actually accept yourself. Because I’ve definitely been there, and I know I’ll be there again.
1. Don’t Blame Your Body
I know what it is like, to hate yourself. To blame your body for every thing that is going wrong in your life. The test I failed? That person who didn’t like me back? The reason that I’m feeling anxious? I always blamed it on my body, it was the easiest option to fixing my pain. But blaming your body doesn’t do anything but give you a temporary distraction from what is really going on in your life. It works for a second and you think you have a solution (“I’ll just lose weight!” “I’ll run more!”), but even if you get there the original problem is still there.
So let me just say this one more time, it is NOT your bodies fault. Take some deep breaths and try to figure out what is really bugging you. Easier said than done, but fat is not a feeling. Whenever I felt “fat”, I was really just sad/angry, and it was way easier to blame it on my thighs then address the shitty things going on around you.
2. Get that pump up playlist going
When I’m hating my body I tend to isolate. I stay inside, I wear big clothes, I hide. We always shrink when we don’t want to be seen, and I find that my whole perspective shrinks as well. All I can see myself doing is staying inside and hiding from people because I have so much shame, so what do you do? Opposite action that shit. This sounds so cliche, and feel free to cringe, but dancing it out and putting music on full blast feels UNREAL. I mean have you ever seen Beyonce in her music video? She is FEELING herself and owning it. Pump up some Nicki Minaj, Drake, fifth harmony, Mozart - WHATEVER WORKS FOR YOU. More importantly, listen to it on full blast, and get out of your house. If you can’t go for a drive or a walk, literally just dance. Move around a little. Remember that your body lets you dance. It lets you walk. Get confident playing and pretend it’s you singing. This all sounds fucking stupid when you are in a low mood but it’s something that I find so helpful.
3. Go and hang out with a friend
Don’t isolate yourself when you’re having a bad body day. It only reinforces your false belief that you aren’t good enough to hang out with your friends if you look the way you think you do. Whenever I isolate from my friends I just end up ruminating about my size, shape, weight etc. But when I get out, my thoughts turn outward and I’m no longer just focusing on how I feel but what is going on around me. And plus, you’re with your friend - WIN WIN.
4. Talk to yourself like you would talk to your best friend/sibling/parent/celebrity crush/dog etc.
THIS IS THE BEST ONE. We can be bitches to ourselves. Calling ourselves, fat, unworthy etc. But would you say that to your sister? Or your best friend? NO. You would boost their ego because it doesn’t matter what weight they are at or what they look like - you would always love them anyway. The same rule applies to you, why hold yourself on this special pedestal that says that you have to look and act a certain way to be loved but no one around you does? Try talking to yourself like your best friend. It helped me.
5. Look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you’re beautiful
This one took me so long to actually do because (on the real) it sounded absurd when I first heard about it.
“There is no way that I am coming home from my therapy session and talking to myself in the mirror and telling myself I’m beautiful, I’m not Oprah and this isn’t a b-list romance novel okay”, that was my thought process before I tried the mirror work.
But once you get over the ridiculous part of it, it feels so empowering. I mean it’s so nice, for once, to wake up in the morning, take 2 seconds, look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you love and accept yourself. This sounds like a Tumblr post, but if you do it with some Beyonce music playing in the background it makes it easier. We are so used to being negative to our bodies that we really do have to practice positive self-talk if you want it to become second nature. And to be honest, it is way more fun not to hate yourself 24/7 and to walk around the world like you belong there (BECAUSE YOU DO).
Take advice from this little girl -
6. KEEP EATING
KEEP EATING KEEP EATING KEEP EATING. Trust on this when I say that your life is not better when you are skinnier. Your life is not better if you skip out on that 2 am pizza run with your friends. You are only depriving yourself because you put this imaginary rule on yourself that you aren’t good enough to enjoy these things unless you are a certain weight, which is, excuse my French, tres fucked. Not eating is only a coping mechanism to temporarily distract you from your problems. It’s only a way to try and get external validation, a thing that will never even happen because most people really don’t care what you look like. Not eating is only a way to reinforce that idea that you are not worthy enough to live like a normal person because of your size. It will only make you more obsessive and limit the things you are doing with your life because you are constantly worried about food.
7. Feel everything you are feeling, and then tell that negative voice to kindly fuck off
Let yourself feel what you are feeling, one hundred percent. Embrace the fact you are feeling sad, mad, anxious, and accept that it will pass. Write it out, or talk to a friend about what you are feeling. Don’t try and distract yourself from your emotions because they will come back again. Emotions don’t last forever so let yourself feel sad or mad or whatever you need - but then switch your frame of mind. Keep going on with your day. Tell the negative voice inside your head that it IS OKAY to be feeling your emotions. Tell it to fuck off. No, you don’t need to be blaming your body for the emotion you just experienced. No, you don’t need to stay inside all day because of your mood, you can, but don’t let that be the thing that limits you. At the end of the day, all you can do is fake it until you make it. Act confident even when you feel shitty. Strut down a busy street and own it even though all you want to do is crawl up in your bed. Eventually, that emotion will be gone and you will survive, no matter how bad the wave is. Keep living your life, but remember that it is important to embrace all that you are feeling. So while you are out in the world feeling like shit, remember that that is totally okay and it will pass, don’t let it stop you from living the life you want to live. Don’t let sadness or anger create false limitations on the things you can or can’t do. Feel, accept that it will pass, tell that negative voice that is trying to create barriers on your life to fuck off, and repeat.
Be kind to yourself. And please remember you are solid gold.
WCW for today is me cause self-love am I right?!