10.16.17 // F*ck Stigma: You Are Not Fighting Alone
I hate that people have to go through this illness, and how we think that we have to go through it alone. And I hate even more how much people make fun of it, it’s so easy to say something like oh you look anorexic or I just binged all night with that ice cream - but the reality is that is making light of such a complex issue that effects, literally, millions of people.
Ever since I got out of my last round of treatment about 5 months ago, I’ve been the happiest I have ever been. I finally feel like I have a sense of who I am back, and I have actually been happy for the first time in years.
Not so many people are this lucky. It has nothing to do with drive, or a desire to get better, it’s not because people aren’t trying hard enough, it’s because an eating disorder is a disease. It’s not a choice. Who the fuck would choose a life where you are struggling every day?
I’m so upset right now because though I am doing okay, I’ve seen a lot of my friends from treatment relapse. Many are back in treatment and still struggling. This isn’t something that is uncommon, and it was bound to happen with the vicious nature of this eating disorder, but it’s still upsetting.
It’s so upsetting because I know what it feels like to live with this. Of course, every single person who has an eating disorder will experience it in different capacities and their life experience will shape how they experience the disorder; but there is a common struggle in the eating disorder community that those who have been through can relate too.
It’s hard to wake up and be scared of the day ahead. It’s terrifying when your entire life revolves around food. It’s awful when your relationships with your friends, family, and yourself, are all destroyed by the disorder. It’s something all-consuming and omnipresent in every single thing that you do.
And yet there’s still a stigma that it’s not a big deal.
To those going through this awful disorder, I am here to tell you that it is a big deal. It sucks. The disorder is an awful thing. It’s not fair that you got it, and no, you did NOT deserve to get it. This is a shitty disorder that takes so much to overcome, but I so believe that YOU CAN overcome it. You deserve too. You deserve to live a life that extends beyond your meal plan and calorie counting apps. You deserve to live a life that isn’t dictated by rules set by your brain. You deserve a life without the should haves, and what-ifs - because you are solid, solid, solid gold.
This is me saying that you are understood.
This is me saying that you will always have a friend and ally in me.
And this is me saying that you WILL kick this disorders ass.
You deserve too, and you can.
Please know that you are worth it. The stigma is still out there but now, more then ever, there are more people who can stand up against that, because in reality, we are all fighting some kind of battle together.
Keep fighting yours, I’m fighting right there with you.